Funny Jokes about people and their general life and relationship

Police arrested a drunkard & askd: Where r u going?
Man: I'm going 2 listen lecture on ill effects of drinking.
Cop: Who'll lecture at midnight ?
Man: My wife...
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Before marriage: Roses are red, sky is blue. U r beautiful, I luv u.
After marriage: Roses are dead, I'm blue. U r my headache, one day I'll
kill u.
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Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long life will never come.


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Q: Why do women live longer than men?
A: Shopping never causes heart attacks, but paying the bill does!
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Wats the diff between Complete & Finished?
If you find good wife u r complete otherwise u r finished.
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So many options: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging, jumping from a
building, lying on train tracks, but we chose Marriage, slow and sure!
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Have u heard about the man who threw his wife into a pond of crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the animal rights for being cruel to the
crocodiles.
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Two men r talking. 1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out,
cleaning the house, doing the laundry & wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons
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Wife: If I dismiss the cook and make the food myself for a month, what
will you pay me?
Husband: I won't have to pay you, you'll get my entire insurance amount.

Brain Function: Male Vs Female

Patry:
Diagram bellow shows how male and female brain function when we rise a question shall we go to party?

Life:

Anatomy:

Argument:

 Desires During Dating:

Definition of Man and Woman 

Natural Capabilities:

Ultimatum:

A Thing called Love

Outrageous Pick up Lines

You can't be real. May I pinch you to see if I'm dreaming?
Hey, didn't we go to different high schools?
There's so much to say but your eyes keep interrupting me.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
At last! I finally found the perfect girl!
A fool and his money are soon my boyfriend.
Do your legs hurt from running in my dreams all night?
Is it hot in here or is it just you?
If I follow you home, will you keep me?
The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
If I told you you have a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
If love is the answer...can you repeat the question?
I'm writing a telephone book. May I have your number?
Flattery will get you everywhere! Keep talking.
I know I'm not Mr. Right, but would you settle for Mr. Right Now?
But you're so *cute* when you blush!
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
I don't approve of your objectives, but I love your methods.
Please be patient--this is my first time.
May we kiss those we please, and please those we kiss.
Bits make bytes, but nibbles turn me on.
Nothing says "I love you" better than six hours of nonstop sex.
A person can be poor at history, but great on dates.
A curved line is the loveliest distance between two points.
I only like two kinds of girls--domestic and imported.
If only women came with pull-down menus and on-line help!
I can read you like a book, but I keep forgetting my place.
Didn't I meet you in some other hallucination?
Be good and you'll be lonely.
The best things in life are ME!
I just naturally respect pretty girls in tight-fitting sweaters.
I used to be a terrible flirt. I'm much better at it now.
I don't dance. But I'd love to hold you while you do.
Clothes aren't sexy. Women are.
I can't whistle at my girlfriend...she leaves me breathless!
Any man who can see through women is sure missing a lot.
I feel great! And I don't kiss badly either!
BITCH also stands for: Beautiful, Intelligent, Talented and Charming Human being!